How To Pick Up Fans

What are the chances you’d learn a valuable life lesson from watching a cartoon show? I don’t mean learn what NOT to do like strap yourself to a rocket or drop an anvil on somebody but something as valuable, at least to teenage boys, as How To Get Girls.

In an episode of the Fox animated series, King Of The Hill, little twelve year old Bobbie Hill develops some interests that his father, Hank, feels are “unmanly” and decides it’s time for Bobbie to get a girlfriend. To help in this matter he enlists the assistance of his friend and neighbor, and neighborhood lothario, Boomhauer.

Boomhauer tells Bobbie that he’s going to teach him the “secret” to getting girls. Bobbie is surprised that there is a secret to getting girls and as the show went to commercial I wondered myself how a cartoon show was going to make good on this promise. That’s actually a lot to ask from a cartoon.

When the show came back from commercial Boomhauer drove Bobbie to a women’s shoe store where there was a wide selection of females from which to choose. Boomhauer wasn’t going to find a girl for Bobbie but rather teach him the technique he uses, apparently to great success. Boomhauer casually walks up to the first attractive woman in his age range he sees and says something to the effect of, “Hey, how you doing?” Boomhauer is very hard to understand but he clearly hasn’t any suave opening lines, just a simple “Hi”.

The woman turns away with a get lost creep look on her face. Boomhauer doesn’t flinch and simply turns to another woman standing behind him. Again he says something friendly but certainly a come on and again that woman turns and walks away. Undaunted, Boomhauer walks over to yet another lady and the same thing happens.

In film a cross dissolve represents the passage of time so after a cross dissolve and another rejection Boomhauer walks up to yet another young woman and says “hello”. This time, however, the young lady smiles and says, “Hi”. Watching patiently from a distance, Bobbie sees Boomhauer end his brief conversation with the lady giving him her phone number and Boomhauer turns to leave the store with Bobbie.

“Is that the ‘secret’? asks Bobbie. “You just hit on every girl you see till one says ‘yes’?

“Yep”, answered Boomhauer.

And he is absolutely right. I was very impressed, King Of The Hill actually pulled it off. This lesson in getting a girlfriend is also the same technique a band or performer uses to get a fan. When you perform for a roomful of people you are essentially hitting on everyone in the room. Some will tell you to get lost creep, but some may give you their number by becoming a fan, or even by giving you their number.

Boomhauer undoubtedly spent that night thinking about the one girl who gave him her phone number and instantly forgot the multitudes of others who gave him the brush off but very often performers will ignore the many audience members who gave him applause and praise after the show and will fixate on the few, sometimes only one, who criticized him. This isn’t fair to the performer, it’s not fair to his fans and it’s not even fair to his critics.

You will never please those who relish giving rejection or interest those who are simply not inclined to be interested in what you have to offer. Do not waste your time or emotional energy giving these people any more than they give you. That’s not to say you should ignore constructive criticism but people who speak in absolutes such as, “You suck,” “You can’t sing,” “You can’t play,” “You’re songs are stupid,” etc. are simply giving an opinion and not offering any option such as, “If you changed the key, it would suit your voice better.” Of course, that would be like the lady in the shoe store saying to Boomhauer, “I’m flattered, but I’m engaged/married/have a boy friend/ a lesbian, thanks anyway.” Some people, seeing an opportunity to be the one to do the rejecting relish the experience. Your goal, as an musical artist or as a pick up artist, is to find the ones that say ‘YES’, not score with everybody. So don’t think twice about the bad reviews and get strength from the good reviews. All that matter are your fans, everyone else is somebody else’s fan, they’re already taken. Let it go.

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