But It’s Only A Summer Job

My old high school friend, Paul Keller from the Bay Area Prog band Hush, stopped by and told me his friend and band mate, Robert Berry, gave him a Tom Anderson guitar as a gift. Robert had picked up one of two Tom Anderson guitars being sold in an estate sale. These are high end, three thousand dollar guitars but that’s not what made the gift so thoughtful. Paul and I went to high school with Tom Anderson. He is an excellent guitarist and a very good singer and it surprised me that he eventually found his success in this end of the music business. I jammed with Tom in high school and he became the guitarist for Greg Piper ( the star of Rock & Roll Rehab ) and Tim Piper’s ( the star of Just Imagine and Working Class Hero, the John Lennon Tribute), Eighties Newwave original band, The Pipers.

Tom reminds me of the many times I’ve been in recording studios to record my music and asked the owner of the studio why he built it. They always say the same thing; that they are musicians and wanted a studio to record their own music. However, the cost of building a recording studio is so high they ended up having to rent it out to guys like me and never find the time to use it to record their own music. I’m not saying being a luthier is a substitution for being a musician but Tom seemed to have had a lot to offer musically besides making instruments.

When I was in Junior High School I made an animated film and paid a fellow student to film it on his stop motion super eight movie camera. He was a fledgling animator himself, which was extremely rare back then at that age, and I expected to run into him one day in the business. I did. It was backstage at an after show party at the First Los Angeles Animation Celebration where our animated video, Mass Murder Man, had been screened. He reintroduced himself to me after all those years and although I wasn’t in the least surprised to see him at a professional Hollywood animation industry function, I was surprised and a little saddened to learn he was there because he had become not a professional animated filmmaker but a professional animated film camera operator.

Time and again I witness the truth that one must be careful what one takes as a first job since many, many times that sets him or her on a path from which it is very difficult to get off. My first real job was as an inbetweener at Hanna-Barbera which directly lead to a career in animation that I never intended to follow. It could have been worse. I could have started at H & B as a cell painter and end up painting houses for a living. But at least I’d still be employed.

It’s A Prog Rock Morning

It’s six in the morning and I’m up waiting for my house guest, Paul Keller from the Bay Area Prog band Hush to get up. He’s visiting down here because he’s going to see the guitarist Tommy Emmanuel perform in Malibu tonight. The funny thing is that, as I mentioned recently, I can only find music videos on TV very early in the morning and music TV network Palladia is playing a live concert while I wait.

I’m watching the 80s Prog Rock band, Asia, featuring John Wetton, Steve Howe, Geoff Downes and Drummer Carl Palmer play to a huge outdoor music festival crowd and I suddenly realize that I’m watching someone perform on TV that I’ve seen perform with the guy sleeping upstairs in our guest bedroom. Paul Keller toured in the 80s with the short lived band 3 featuring Paul’s old bandmate from Hush, Robert Berry along with Keith Emerson and Karl Palmer from Prog Rock superstars Emerson, Lake and Palmer.

3 Played a club in Hollywood back in 1988 when my wife was three days past her due date with our first son. His tardiness allowed us to attend the show which I’m glad I didn’t miss as it was great to see a friend I’ve known since grammar school perform with bonafide rock legends. I’ve never thought of it before, but I wonder if the band’s name, 3, and the fact that my son was three days late when we saw them was just a coincidence. I wonder...

I Am A Stranger In An Even Stranger Land

I'm giving away my age but I remember a time when TV cartoons were aired in the mornings and music videos were aired late at night. I mentioned to my kids that MTV used to stand for Music Television  and now there are no music videos on MTV.
     "Yes there are," my son said. "They play them early in the morning. I watch them when I'm getting ready for school."
     Yet the cartoon shows, at least the new ones of which I am aware, get played late at night on shows like Adult Swim. Or they're on at prime time like The Simpsons, Family Guy, King Of The Hill, Futurama or American Dad.
     I knew I entered Bizarro Land or some sort of alternative universe back in December of 1980. Occasionally that happens and often it's subtle enough of a change that we may not notice it but in the world to which I was born no one would ever have shot John Lennon. After December of 1980 nothing made sense as it once would have.
     Not only would music videos not have been put on the air at 7:00 am and cartoons at 11:00 pm but Arnold Schwarzenegger would never have been elected govenor of California, Princess Diana and John F. Kennedy Jr. would not have died so young and Michael Jackson would not have turned snow white, or married Lisa Marie Presley. How did the genius psychics at the National Enquirer not see that one coming?






A Happy Rock And Roll Birthday Greeting To Greg Warner

Today is The Tooners' Rock & Roll Rehab Show's lighting director, Greg Warner's, 21st birthday. An excellent musician in his own right and a Dean's List level college student he is also a valued member of the Rock & Roll Rehab Show crew.

Greg has an excellent sense of humor with impeccable comic timing undoubtedly inherited from his father and a patient, kind and empathetic nature perhaps inherited from his mother. It's hard to say. A multi-instrumentalist he plays guitar, banjo and mandolin and luckily has not inherited his father's or his mother's singing voice.

Those attending the February  4, performance of Rock & Roll Rehab at 8:00, upstairs at the Hayworth Theater, 2511 Wilshire Blvd., make sure to stop by the lighting booth and wish Greg a happy belated twenty-first birthday.

While we're on the topic of age, please be aware that the Rock & Roll Rehab Show, although technically all ages, is the story of sex, drugs and rock and roll and can get loud and perhaps inappropriate for those with delicate dispositions or ear drums. Ear plugs will be available for those wishing to protect their hearing but they will not protect you from sex and drug references. Also, the show is upstairs in the Studio Theater and is not handicap accessible with no elevator.

As Long As There's Sex I Can Do Without The Rock And Roll

A recent case of HIV reported in the Porn industry in California has resulted in a law requiring porn performers to wear condoms. This law not only changes the Porn Industry but will change society itself.

The recent law passed in California that requires participants in pornographic movies to wear condoms as a health care precaution will have deep repercussions in Southern California culture as a whole and as So Cal goes, so eventually goes the country. Although the law will most likely eventually be declared unconstitutional since it is targeted only at male porn actors and thus “sexist”, it might be around long enough to force some serious changes.

First among these changes will be the rise of an illegal “underground” porn industry since the demand of condom free porn will still exist. Most people don’t enjoy actual sex with a condom so watching porn stars use them in the sexual fantasies of a porn film will be even more unsatisfying.

Making condom-free porn illegal is merely the first step in making all porn illegal. To escape prosecution porn producers will resort to disguising their new films as “Vintage” pornography, thus making it exempt from the new regulations. To simulate the look of vintage porn the actors in the porn industry will have to make some changes which in turn will change the personal styles of millions of ordinary citizens.

1. Fake boobs -  Although silicon breasts have been around a long time, to be safe a porn producer won’t want any new surgical procedure technique giving the authorities a reason to question a porno’s given date of production. Artificial breast enhancement, or at least fake looking boob jobs will be a dead giveaway except on heavy set women. We’re looking at the return of the zaftig lady.

2. Tattoos - Tattoos on women were virtually unheard of until the 1980s so to simulate the look of the pre-tattoo era women performers will either have to have their tattoos completely removed or modified to appear pre-1990. Some suggested styles might be circus freak tattooed-lady style, outlaw biker mama style or “Sailor Jerry” butch lesbian style.

3. Pubic hair - The shaved pelvic region look will be out and back will be the cave woman look of the 1970s. The up side to this is that it may make it easier to hide some tattoos.

4. Hot bodies - More than the women, the men in porno will have to cut back on the gym and the body sculpting and man-scaping and return to a more natural look. How old do you have to be to be an average looking guy and be able to remember when the men in porn movies didn’t look all that different than you?

5. Attention spans - To simulate an old fashion (non Internet porn) porno movie there will have to be a return to some sort of story line and character development. Yes, this will be intolerably boring to anyone under 50 years old, but that’s what fast forwarding is for.

6. Sexual technique - One of the biggest changes will be the return to the sexual techniques of a whole other generation. This means the return of foreplay, kissing on the mouth, fondling of breasts and the absence of extreme bondage, spanking and anal sex.

7. Camera technique - The process of filming porn will have to revert to a time when you could actually see a man’s face and not just the back of his head or an extreme close up on another part of his anatomy.

8. Humor - Gone from modern Internet porno but one of the great things about classic Seventies porn is a sense of humor. Most people today know who Ron Jeremy is and have no idea how a guy who looks like Ron Jeremy could ever have become the most famous male porn star in the world. Ron Jeremy started out in 70s porn when there were characters and stories, at least a premise. Ron always played the fat, dumpy, usually stupid sidekick to the handsome stud star and would hide in the bushes and watch through the window as the hero got all the action. He was the comic relief. Eventually Ron Jeremy the actor became Ron Jeremy the Producer and that’s when he started to star himself in his own productions and thus started to be taken seriously as a porn star. Let’s face it, no one ever cared who the guys were in these films because if anyone ever did, Ron Jeremy would never have risen above comic relief.

9. Titles - Probably the best part of the humor equation in old style porn is that many films were spoofs of popular movies and their titles were takeoffs such as; Shaving Ryan’s Privates and On Golden Blonde.

10. Home video - Since the condom law is for the Porn Industry and applies to professional producers of pornography, the ever growing “home video” market of home made porn will not only continue to rise but many professional films will be produced with a low tech look to simulate home made product. In other words. old, fat and ugly will be the new young, hot and beautiful.

Rock And Roll For The Ages

Last night was the official premier of the Rock & Roll Rehab Show at the Hayworth Theater. We played to a capacity crowd, thankfully, but encountered something I just did not see coming.

A few minutes before show time I was informed that there was about a dozen “white haired old ladies” waiting to get in. I went out to the lobby to have a look and sure enough, there were a half dozen couples all looking to be in their seventies and eighties.

There is a ticket agency in Los Angeles where theatrical producers can allocate unsold tickets which then are distributed for free so that the unsold seats don’t go empty. We gave them twenty to cover for those we know who always say they’ll show up and then don’t. These octogenarians were who the agency sent over.

I felt I had to warn them. The Rock & Roll Rehab Show naturally appeals to an “older” audience but by that I mean Baby Boomers, the Sixties Generation who grew up on Rock & Roll, not their parents. I explained to them that this was a rock and roll show and can get loud so they should think about sitting in the front row because sitting in the back won’t make much difference, it’s a small theater, and if they have to leave because of the sound it will be easier from the front row.
    “Should I remove my hearing aid?” asked a sweet, white haired lady.
    “Yes, you won’t need it,” I replied.
    “At least we’ll only be in pain for an hour,” remarked one of the gentlemen.
    “No,” I said, “You’ll go numb after the first song.” Then looking for a silver lining I continued, “It’s not just music, it’s a trip to the past to the Sixties. You all were part of the Sixties!”
    “My son’s sixty,” said the white haired octogenarian.
    I had to laugh.
    “We like music,” said one of the other men in the group.
    “Well, this is loud rock music, not Benny Goodman or Glenn Miller,” I told them trying to sound knowledgeable of the Greatest Generation’s taste.
   
Surprisingly, we only had six of the twenty walk out after the first few songs and the ones who remained said after the show that they really enjoyed it, “it took them back.”

From now on we’ll have a supply of ear plugs to offer our audience. Although, that still won’t guard against the sex and drug references in the show which some might have found more offensive than the volume of the music. We really need to find “our” audience.

Live Gigs And Guitar Problems

My biggest worry when it comes to live performance is equipment failure. I don’t worry about performance problems since I rehearse enough that I can literally play the set in my sleep and I’m not a great technical player anyway so anyone expecting perfection from me is at the wrong show to begin with. But what does concern me is staying in tune, not breaking any strings and having all the cords and the amp working.

In anticipation of an upcoming show I had my guitar restrung and intonated by a professional guitar tech. After a couple of rehearsals and the gig I noticed the guitar seemed out of tune even when the electronic stage tuner said it was in tune. I discovered the intonation was off again so even though I was in tune low on the neck I was sharp when playing high up the neck. Apparently this was caused by my use of the vibrato or “whammy” bar.

The bridge of my guitar is inset in the body of the guitar rather than “floating”, independent of the body where it can lock back into position after the whammy bar is used. I have to take the guitar in to have the bridge “floated” before our next show. The last show actually went very well. My funky tuning on a couple of songs gets chocked up to my sloppy playing anyway which is part of my charm. Isn’t it?


FRIDAY FUNNIES 
 
Electrocution
It happens all the time.  In fact, it is believed to be responsible for the very first Afro hairdo.