Can't Keep A Good Man Down

I just read that it's the 20th anniversary of John Wayne Bobbitt getting his "bobbitt" cut off by his wife. His wife Lorena Bobbitt claimed he came home drunk, beat and raped her so after he fell asleep she chopped off the tip of his member with a butcher knife then threw it out the car window as she fled the scene. The police later recovered the missing piece and it was reattached in a ten hour operation.

The amazing part of this story is that John Wayne Bobbitt went on to become a star in porno movies and claims to have had successful sexual relations with over seventy women in the last twenty years. Of course you can't tell people a story like this and then sell it in an upcoming autobiography if you haven't become a born again Christian, which he has.

When you think about it, it's weird how many people have serious handicaps that then excel at something that their handicap should have made impossible. There's that Olympic runner who has no legs and there is also a paraplegic mountain climber. Classical composer Ludwig Van Beethoven was deaf and I've even seen paintings done by the blind (?!). Jerry Garcia was a great guitar player with only nine and a half fingers but I think John Wayne Bobbitt has the most amazing story of overcoming a handicap of all.
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TV Rock & Roll Advertising

Country singer Slim Whitman died the other day at the age of 90 years old. Most rockers only know Slim as a joke in the Tim Burton movie Mars Attacks in which Slim's high pitch yodel proves a lethal weapon to the invading Martians. But most Americans know Slim Whitman from the late night television commercials selling his albums in the 80s when his decidedly old fashioned country style made him ironically hip, or maybe just ironic.

He allegedly sold millions of records through these ads and he wasn't the only one. Boxcar Willie, who I certainly had never heard of, was also pushed relentlessly late at night when a music lover's otherwise discerning taste may be impaired to the point that he or she might actually order a copy over the phone. I wonder how many people were caught by surprise weeks later when a Slim Whitman or Boxcar Willie album showed up at their front door and the COD (cash on delivery) payment came due?

These days there are compilation CDs all over television but they're at least for repackaged older hits and not some completely obscure recording artist. But why not? Why not sell The Tooners' 20 year old CD Rocktasia on late night TV? Slim and Willy weren't selling any new material, it was all "Greatest Hits" that they sold, but for most of the TV viewers their old stuff was new to them. 

Advertising all comes down to hypnosis. Give someone a 'suggestion' strong enough (a thirty to sixty second commercial on TV with sound, pictures, video and a very persuasive voice over announcer), often enough (every fifteen minutes ALL night long), every day and then have a product aimed at a self medicating consumer base that stays up all night and is in an extremely 'relaxed' state of mind (very susceptible to post hypnotic suggestion) and you could conceivable sell them anything.

That's the trouble with Internet advertising and why it just hasn't proven nearly as effective as TV or radio advertising. The Internet is INTERACTIVE which means the viewer/consumer has to be actively involved which means AWAKE and ACTIVE. The average Internet user is too busy to be lulled into a post hypnotic suggestion to buy something because he or she is too bust clicking here and there. The viewer/consumer has control, not the advertiser, and doesn't allow the advertiser to have his or her full attention for any length of time and certainly does not enter into the Alpha state of mentality that allows someone or something to give it commands. And if you don't believe me then just CLICK HERE AND BUY THE TOONERS NEW SINGLE DRAWINGS FROM MY MIND RIGHT NOW!

This is a win/win for me.

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Our Moto

In the early days of The Beatles they had a "rallying cry" to boost their moral. John would call out; "Where are we going lads?" and the other three would answer in unison; "To the top!" Then he would say; "To the top of what?" and they would answer; "To the topper most of the popper most!"

We in The Tooners have had our mottoes and sayings over the years as well. Here is but a partial list;

"They take what they get (referring to the audience)."

"Close enough for rock and roll."

"Music space aliens made us record."

"Beauty is in the hole of the behinder."

"Play loud enough and no one can hear your mistakes."

"One hit wonders are still a wonder."

"It's not the music but the screams that count."

"You have to drink as much as you can as fast as you can because you never know when you're going to get sick."

"A hand in the bush is worth two in the bird."

"If it was good the kids wouldn't like it."

"There is no right or wrong if you don't know the difference."

"I meant to do that."

"They (the audience) are more afraid of you than you are of them."

"If you're nervous picture the audience naked, then decide which ones will get backstage passes after the show."

"At the very least we're pissing off our folks."

"It beats having to get a day job."

"I'm not an unemployed bum, I'm an artist!"

Spoken with enough authority and conviction even these pearls of swine can lead the troops to victory providing they don't have a lot of time to think about it.





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Later With Gorillaz

I just watched an episode of Later... With Jools Holland that featured the band Gorillaz. Gorillaz are the band that plays with big screen projections of the adventures of a cartoon band. They're the only band I know of that performs to animation except Pink Floyd and The Tooners.

Although I never really cared for Gorillaz's music or the fact that although the animated "band members" lip sync to the song the action on the screen never really seems to be illustrating the lyrics, the action seems completely different than any story the song is telling. But to be honest I usually can't understand what the singer is saying but in this Later... episode I'm pretty sure the song wasn't about a car full of musicians(?) getting shot at by Bruce Willis.

For some reason this video didn't include the band's drummer, it was just the other three members who are driving through a desert at high speed, blast by a cop who then crashes trying to pursue them and then are chased down by a civilian (Bruce Willis) who then murders them by shooting into their car. Not much of a story but average Bruce Willis fare.

How do I know the person who shot them was suppose to be Bruce Willis? That's because it WAS Bruce Willis. This wasn't the Gorillaz's standard 2D hand drawn animated video but a live action film that had the Gorillaz inserted as 3D computer animated characters. If the design of the Gorillaz wasn't creepy enough before (and it was), this CGI version is even creepier.

I've been grieving the loss of traditional  hand drawn 2D animation and now I have one more causality to add to the list.




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Radio Promotion

I met yesterday with one of the few remaining Indie radio promoters in L.A. He claimed the others had to leave town because of their unscrupulous business practices although one still keeps a local mailing address on his advertisements.

By the end of our meeting he was confessing that hiring a radio promoter to get your song played on the radio, AM or FM not Internet radio, which he claims has zero listeners, is a waste of money. A LOT of money. I don't know of too many other businesses that take your cash up front on the promise that they'll try and get you what you want but can't guarantee anything. All they can promise to do is make a phone call on your behalf and send out a copy of your CD if the station is interested. He even suggested that if someone has a good telephone voice, he or she could do just as good a job.

Of course the advantage a professional has is that they have the radio station Program Director's phone number and that person will take their call. These days I can't get a living, breathing human being on the line to save my life, literally, even the Police Department has a pre-recorded message. Indie radio promoters have their ways of greasing the wheel as it were. Sometimes it's giving the station free SWAG like boom boxes, free CD, T-shirts and other merch that they can give away to listeners when they do remote broadcasts from businesses which in turn can legally pay them. Other times it's just showing the radio personnel a good time (hookers and blow) or free diners and big name concerts. What would you do to make a business person like you enough to always take your call?

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What Is Rock And Roll?

Have you Googled Rock And Roll recently? There are thirteen listing on the first page that include four for a Rock And Roll Marathon which is a foot race, not a ridiculously long rock concert, a Rock And Roll food truck (What is a rock and roll food truck?), the Rock And Roll Forever Foundation, a national middle and high school curriculum initiative (?) and a Rock And Roll Confidential blog, which I'm not sure what that is.

Things that actually do have something to do with Rock And Roll is a link for the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame and Museum, Who Shot Rock And Roll, a photography exhibit of rock stars, Rock And Roll Last FM, an Internet radio station (presumably rock music), an article on the history of Rock And Roll in Arizona, the Wikipedia entry for Rock And Roll and a Youtube video for the Led Zeppelin song Rock And Roll.

Half of the listings on the first page of Google for Rock And Roll really don't have anything to do with Rock And Roll music or subculture. They're just brand names like the Rock And Roll Hotel, the Rock And Roll Sports & Bike Shop, and Rock And Roll Economics which are all listings on Google's page two.

Is there anything else in our present day society that has been so thoroughly appropriated for commercial purposes? Sometimes a product so dominates a market that its brand name becomes synonymous with the product itself such as Coke (soft drink), Xerox (photocopy) Kleenex (tissue) and Viagra (boner pill). But Rock And Roll is used to describe practically anything. Stuff like a marathon race and a bicycle shop can be called Rock And Roll? It appears that Rock And Roll has evolved to just mean "cool", whether the product is or isn't doesn't even matter and that's not cool.

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It Happy Anniversary Time!

This year is not only The Tooners' Rocktasia CD's 20th anniversary, it being released in 1993, but it's also the 30th anniversary of our good friend and auxiliary Tooner Jerry Strull's solo album Medley (1983). 

The Tooners started as Newwave band Womanizer and as Womanizer we recorded our first four song demo in 1980 with the late Gary Gladstone, aka the Mix Doctor, at his Hollywood studio. Jerry later used the Mix Doctor to record an album's worth of his original songs that he produced, played all the guitars and had guest vocalists. 

My favorite song on the record, Master Of Disguise, a real classic sounding Classic Rock styled hit, was sung by Barry Peterson who was in the Newwave band The Pipers, along with future Womanizer and Tooner front man Greg Piper and future John Lennon clone Tim Piper.

Jerry titled his album Medley and in it he was most interested in showing off his songwriting skills and to show how he could write in multiple styles. Because of this Medley sounds like a compilation or soundtrack album with Rock, Country, R & B and Americana tunes side by side and all with different singers.

I'm not a fan of Country, R & B or Americana so I can appreciate the quality of those songs but I can't vouch for their authenticity. What I like in a Country song might sound too Rock & Roll to an actual Country fan. But the rock stuff like Master Of Disguise I love and Master is one of the great unknown hits of the 1980s.
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